Either food or coherent thoughts

These last few days I haven't been able to string together more than a sentence. Usually at this point my brain screams 'ok, that's 14 words, now give me food!' And so begins the down part of weight loss.

Other than to say that the body adjusts very, very quickly to things, I won't go further for fear of sounding silly and spreading misinformation.

It's like this; two weeks ago I started eating more on the recommendation of the trainer at the gym. Embarrassingly, for fear of eating too much I started logging kilojoules. Not only did I feel full - very full some meals - my pants felt looser, like almost wearable except for the sitting down part.

Then we were away and on the pretext of needing to eat more, I heartily dug into the wine, cheese and scones. Taking note of the fact that after those 5 days my pants still felt loose I continued to eat happily.

And then this week, I decided to do something stupid. I figured if the 28 degree days are anything to go by, then I won't have much hope of wearing my beloved pants at all this winter.

So knuckling down and getting serious I went back to eating the amount of food I was two weeks ago. Except what seemed like a feast then, now feels like the start of a massive famine. I'm hungry all the time.

And here's the bit I wanted to avoid writing because I don't know what I'm talking about. My knowledge is cobbled together from the glossy pages of magazines and numerous strolls through bloggyland - most notably Leigh Peele's blog.

Right, so I think have just done a re feed, by fooling my body into thinking that the famine was over and it had begun raining cheese again. Now that the sun has come out, my body is pleading for more cheese (and preferably some wine to go with) while working it's way through the spares it had put aside for a sunny, non-cheese raining day. Eventually it will work out that the cheese drought has started and it will become more efficient with the resources it has. Which is the point I started at two weeks ago.

Now, when I first read about re feeds I thought they sounded like an awesome idea especially created for gluttonous weekends full of cheese. But in fact, this is actually more painful than I had expected. There is one motivating factor however, which is the fit of those pants which I can now sit down in AND breath. Bargain. Just the small price of constant hunger to pay for it.

Weekend away

I've been away camping the last 5 days. I always mean to write that in advance, but somehow blogging instead of packing on Friday night would not have been cool. Something about pulling my weight or some such nonsense.

I wanted to be a tourist in my own country. We never do that, instead flying overseas (or Tasmania, either way) to look at historic buildings, gorgeous gardens, drink wine and eat cheese. So I googled and googled and googled and ended up with a list easily to fill in 10 days.


We patted sheep - they are soft and curly! Yeah, city girl, I know.

Watched em' being shorn and herded, while listening to a yarn or two.

We tasted loads of wine, savoured cheese platters and wandered around looking at gardens, vineyards, wetlands and even (alleged) mountains.



Oh and walked avoiding these critters, hugged trees and gazed at the stars.



Saw the light at the end of the tunnel, before eating some heavenly lavender scones and hitting the MTB trail.



Ate a cheese ball...after trying some more wine and looking at another wonderful garden.

The best bit? Forgetting about fat, health and fitting in exercise. Moving all day long. Eating when hungry, mostly often and a lot. Not having cravings. No mirrors - lucky since I forgot to bring a comb; fingers are a wonderful invention. Forget about goals or plans for where I want to be in 6 months time.

In the car on the way we talked about MizFit's 'Unapologetically Myself'. Leaving everything behind a few hundred kilometres of bitumen, I decided to live it. Be in the moment. Feel comfortable in my skin. Accept all my peculiarities.

It felt amazing. Now the challenge is to carry that feeling forward today, tomorrow and next week.

Saying bye to crazy thoughts

It's the fourth day of eating more and amazingly I haven't turned into a gigantasaurus. Yet. Well if it hasn't happened in 3 whole days, I suspect it probably won't. Usually you can see yesterdays 3 pieces of cake right...there on my hips. So my freak out was unfounded.

But, I've been following my food intake closely. Like counting kilojoules. Oh yeah. Apparently I'm happy to do it when trying to eat more, not so great when trying to eat less. Then again I don't need much help with that! It also helps that the dialogue goes something like this:

- I'll eat this, this and this today. Hmm, not enough.
- Ok, I'll eat this too! Still not enough.
- How about this? Well, I could still do with a little more.
- What else can I eat. Damn it there's not enough food in this house!

Would you be surprised to know that I don't have sugar cravings much? That I'm starting to feel hungry all the time again? That cycling was eeeasssy the other day? That my biceps look like they've grown?

Speaking of spending inordinate amounts of time in front of the mirror admiring my biceps. I had some crazy thoughts the other day that needed squelching and fast. I've pretty much settled on two strategies that work well for me:

1. Appeal to my vanity. Stand in front of the mirror and admire all the bits that I like about myself. Point out all the changes, the muscles that are growing and sometimes even laugh a little at the jiggly bits, because they're a part of me too, so I try to do that lovingly. Try on clothes that now fit and ones that used to but now fall off. The other option;

2. Stop thinking about it. Do something else. Especially something creative where I can't think about feeling bad. It's so easy to spend hours worrying and wondering (and dare I say, reading about new exercises or wonder foods) how the next few kilo's will come off, as well as weighing and measuring. At the end of the day, the hard work comes from doing not worrying- eating well, exercising regularly. It doesn't actually take long to do those things, you know, 3-6 meals per day and half an hour of exercise. Less is more with weights. Sometimes it's better to do what needs to be done, then step away and not think about it. Good things come to those who (put the hard work in then) wait.

There you go, my strategies for pressing the "crazy thoughts" off button. They're polar opposites depending on what is appropriate. Both make me feel good about myself. So what do you do to make yourself feel better when the crazy thoughts come knocking?

The other extreme

The only time someone has ever told me that I'm not eating enough was my grandmother. She'd served up soup, followed by an enormous plate of pierogi -a yummy Polish potato dumpling dish drizzled with melted butter - and then some pastries which I had to refuse because I couldn't move. Well, my aunt has actually said the same thing after meals of similar epic proportions. But let's say that outside of Poland, no one has ever said I don't eat enough. Except for the trainer.

When he told me I should add in some food to what I eat daily, apart from protein shakes that is, I got anxious. If I eat more I'll put on weight right? So I ignored what he said for the most part until Friday when feeling full of spite I worked my upper body as hard as I could at the outdoor gym. Upon returning home I ate a 'huge' recovery snack and immediately felt sure that I had eaten so much that I wouldn't fit into my pants the next day. So I got busy calculating and found that he was right. I'm generally not eating enough, at least by rule of thumb calculations for women.

What's weird is that it happened in a fairly natural way. Originally I started eating a little less and kept going with that approach which made me feel great. Then I noticed that I wasn't getting as hungry as I used to. In fact these days I'm rarely hungry which seems like a blessing. I also fill up very quickly so it's not hard to eat less. I thought everything was going rather well.

Obviously it's a big deal performance and fat loss wise, but what frightens me most is that I'm scared to eat more. That seems really bad and alarm bells are ringing inside my head. There's some nasty thoughts coming back into my head about my body image as well.

So what to do except eat more, lift more and press the "crazy thoughts" off button.

Sweet temptation

Sweets. My ultimate weakness. Well that and staying snuggled up in bed each morning until I absolutely have to get up. But health wise it's cakes, cookies, desserts, chocolate - you name it and if it has sugar in it I want it. So when I set my goal for consistency, the number one dot point I wrote in my diary was to consistently eat less sweets. Seeing as I can count on a plentiful dessert on Sunday night each week I thought perhaps I could limit myself to just that.

So I patiently shared my goal with he who shares my house and gently suggested he do what he can to help me with my resolve. Nothing huge, no change in his routine just perhaps not planting the remains of last nights dessert in a prominent place in the kitchen and asking if I want some.

So within half an hour of our conversation, without saying a word, the creamy apple pie from the day before was on the bench, with one slice carefully plated up. As I got ready to go to rehearsal the entire pie remained on the bench, untouched while he sat right next to it surfing the web.

Upon returning home around 10pm, the plate with the slice had vanished but the rest of the pie still sat in the same spot on the bench. Now that seemed like in your face temptation to me. And yet, in a bizarre un-me like state, I wasn't tempted. Apparently I had made up my mind to stick to my goal in that special way, the one in which I can't be talked out of my decision even by the sweet siren call of creamy apple pie.

Now I can only explain my sweethearts behaviour as either; a) male complete absent mindedness or; b) he's worried soon I shall have more muscle definition than him. The most likely option is a however upon returning home yesterday he started doing chin ups and push ups. I'm sure that has nothing to do with me walking around the house proudly pointing out my biceps and gloating.

Well so far I have remained consistent, but what if my resolve falters at some point? How can I encourage more helpful behaviour from others? Does it actually make any difference or should simple resolve be enough? Have you gotten others to help you with your goals and how?

A bowl of lonely egg yolks

Since the end of June, life has been very unsettled. Seeing there was nothing I could do to console their grief, I turned to the only thing I could remember that helps at times like these - food. I started doing an inventory in my head of everything I have cooked and especially all the sweets that I've made in the last two and a half weeks. Quite apart from the hospital visits and funeral arrangements, we've had three birthdays in the family and one of a good friend. I could write a whole essay about how important food is in nourishing the body as well as bringing comfort, but most importantly I think in the last few weeks it's brought people together and it has given me a purpose. Anyway here is an inventory of the sweets.

It all started on the last Sunday in June when my sister gave us the leftovers of a pound cake, a puff pastry chocolate slice and cheesecake she had made. The following day, pound cake and the puff pastry chocolate slice just seemed like a good idea at 2am on return from the hospital. Sleep deprived the next morning and armed with a packet of traditional German gingerbread cookies for all and sundry, the sweets slowly started to vanish from the fridge.

The following day was cheesecake (leftover from Sunday) for my birthday along with tiny caramel mud cake muffins that we gave away to my brother in-law the following day for his birthday. That night we had mandarin parfaits.

On Saturday the third course was stewed pears with rhubarb and cream. For our usual Sunday night dinner my Mom made custard with fresh strawberries. The following night was Viennetta at my mother in-laws and on Tuesday was a friends birthday. Her partner had forgotten completely so again I tried to heal with food - this time I opted for low fat chocolate cake and passionfruit melting moments.

Wednesday at the in-laws was carrot cake followed by two days of reprieve. The remaining melting moments may or may not have been eaten during this time. Realising the fact that the sweets were going to continue to be made I started to opt for healthier options especially after Tuesdays chocolate cake success. Saturday, dinner with the in-laws and a low fat walnut, chocolate and date pudding. Again on Sunday my parents came around and this time I tried Mark's Primal Custard.

Tuesday and again dinner with the in-laws. This time I made low fat lime cheesecake. Finally yesterday; my husband's birthday and a whole plate of chocolate orange cupcakes with maple frosting all for him (and me). I don't know if I hopped that writing this down would help dull my cravings for more sugar. If that was the intent, it has certainly worked, but now I have another pressing issue.

The problem with the low fat desserts has been the leftover egg yolks. I can think of two things to do with them - hollandaise sauce or custard. Have you got any suggestions?

A recession beating vegetable

I'm not normally inspired by recession beating things, but then 'technically' Australia isn't in a recession! Plus I wouldn't actually advocate growing a vegetable for that reason; taste, yes; sustainability, absolutely; availability, sure; recession beating, not really. But seeing as this vegetable has more of the latter than the former I thought I would jump in on the bandwagon. So I present to you....the pigeon pea or Cajanus cajan.

Originally thought to be from Asia, the pigeon pea is a grain legume grown in the tropics and sub-tropics around the world. It is commonly used in permaculture as a pioneer plant being a nitrogen fixer and helping to break up clay soils. Being a fast growing drought tolerant shrub between 2-3m tall makes it a hardy windbreak. Other uses include mulch production and forage for poultry.

Some loitering pigeon peas

It was originally invited into our garden a few years ago and now refuses to leave a long time after the first plant was cut to the ground. In the past it was a useful shade plant for the veggies in summer, as well as screening from the neighbours and it has very pretty delicate yellow and red flowers. But we never really ate the peas despite the huge quantities weighing down the bushes, because I'd heard were poor tasting, until one day my step-father showed an interest in procuring some for his chickens. Well, if it's good enough for the chickens I figured it would be good enough for us!

Raw, the green peas taste like cucumber, but cooked they taste like the beans we ate with them. The hardest part is shelling the peas although not as unpleasant as shelling chick peas which have spiky 'fur' on them which scratches your fingers. It's just time consuming but the sense of pride of eating a vegetable you grew, with no actual effort on your part, makes it worth it. And that's not all. They are a good source of protein, they can be sprouted making them even more nutritious and they can be ground into flour. Talk about versatility in one vegetable!

Raw, naked peas

The dried peas also have a use, as apparently in India they are a staple for making dhal. We have few dried ones at the moment, but when the time comes I will be sure to compare a dhal from split peas as is common here to a pigeon pea version.

So that is my amazing vegetable of the week - useful in the garden, on the table and a plant that just won't die! Ever grown or eaten pigeon peas? Do you have any unusual plants that you have grown or seen at the markets? Do you like buying random vegetables you've never heard of and experimenting?

Tempting, tasty, tantalizing treats

It's 6pm on Saturday night and you've just turned up at your friends place for dinner. After a day of cleaning, shopping and then going for an afternoon stroll at the local park you realise that you're actually pretty hungry. Dinner is a fair way off, so you begin by chatting over a pre-dinner drink. On the table sits the appetizer, just a wee little snack to get you to dinner. What do you do?

This is something I have been wondering about for months and seeing as it's the weekend, what better time to ask. Depending on where we are, the snacks vary from sweets at my in-laws, salty nuts at my parents, bruschetta with dip, cheese and crackers, those puffed up rice snacks or on the very rare occasion, chopped up veggies. Often it's food that should be eaten in moderation or something that would not cross the threshold of my house because it's too tempting.

I've noticed that when served at our house the snacks disappear very, very quickly. I watched bemusedly last weekend when over pre-dinner drinks I needed to top up the crackers repeatedly and the carrot sticks were left nearly untouched. The outcome was pretty predictable - when the call to the table was made everyone looked sheepish and mumbled that they weren't really very hungry any more.

I wouldn't see a problem if this was an occasional splurge, but if you are doing this most weekends, then up to 2 out of 7 days becomes a problem. I'm speaking from experience here - we have a full dinner with my family every weekend on top of socialising with friends. Sharing food with family and friends is very pleasurable and I like long multi course meals that start out with casual banter over a drink. So the traditional dinner becomes a tug-a-war between being conscious of what I'm eating while still enjoying the moment as well as the effort that has gone into the meal.

So what can you do as a guest? Not turn up so hungry. Yes. Use self control. Absolutely. Randomly wander around friends houses with drink in hand asking about each painting, picture or knickknack until dinner time? Sure, especially if they are renovating (Note to self: make friends with more people who are renovating).

But what about when you are the host? What I want to know is as hosts do we have a responsibility to our friends and family regarding what we serve them, particularly before dinner? Or is it up to each of us to be adults and take responsible for what we put in our mouths regardless of temptation? Do you serve pre-dinner snacks and if so what are your favourites?

Mandarins, possums, passion fruit and strawberries

So much juicy goodness

The mandarins are now ripe, so while siting on the front stairs waiting for my mom to arrive I finally picked one. It was ripe, sweet and juicy and so fresher than fresh that I could feel my cells dancing with joy just like when I drink juice. I love the surge of excitement or happiness or ove for something that I enjoy doing. That's how I feel about my garden and the things that grow in it. It's a fair bit of work and the grasshoppers seem to be getting a disproportionally large share but I just love that I can grow at least some of my own food.

The evidence

I went to the back yard and noticed something unusual just by the compost bin - a passion fruit skin with a whole in it. This was clear evidence that the possums had been dining at their local restaurant last night. No wonder they thrive in suburbs! We have at least 2 living in our ceiling and they often eat fresh scraps from the compost bin which is about 20m from where they exit the house. What do they do the rest of the night then apart from making babies! We've had our fair share of those too.

Going out for the evening?

Anyway, I was confused by the skin as we hadn't thrown away any intact passion fruit recently. To my delight, I looked up and there in the mulberry tree was a passion fruit vine that had crept over from the neighbours with 4 deliciously ripe fruit dangling within reach. Heaven. They too are sweet and tantalising on the taste buds.

I hope there more!

Finally, it's time to plant strawberries. We bought 10 plants in a little bundle from the markets last weekend and hope to have a strawberry patch by our front door. They are 'Camarosa' variety which should produce big, red juicy fruit towards the end of the season. It's not an heirloom variety unfortunately and since it crops late we might have to procure some other types to have strawberries all winter long.

The new strawberry plants getting settled in.

Do you grow any of your own food? Ever had that surge of pride from eating something that you had put work into?

All talk and no action

No figs where harmed during the photo shoot. Afterwards...now that's a different story!

Wanna know what cake we have this week? Probably not but that's not going to stop me! Again we have a layer cake that stands at over 10cm high. This week we have chocolate sponge top and bottom separated from the vanilla sponge by a layer of whipped cream with little jellies in it. And if that wasn't bad enough, we also received a handful of figs stuffed with white chocolate and dipped in dark chocolate. As my Mom packed these treats in a box for us I moaned that I would get sooo fat from all of these sweets. She brushed me off with a 'well if you only have a little piece each day' comment to which my husband promptly responded that the cake and figs were for him anyway! Ah my family is so helpful.

Anyway to the point of this post: a few months ago I decided I needed a fitness challenge. In my typical style I dreamt big - a bit like stating that I wouldn't even have a tiny piece of cake during the week. Yes, I went off and found one of the most physically challenging races I could - an adventure race - and suggested that as an option. Alternatively if the race was only to involve running, then the least I would train for was 10K. No small steps here - unless you're living on the edge you're taking up too much space is my motto!

Mainly because of the difficulty of the challenge I proposed to tackle, I began over analysing the situation in my head. Eventually I came to various conclusions and drafted a multitude of excuses why I shouldn't participate in any race or indeed train for an event. The main one that sticks out is the motivation behind trying to get super fit which has much less to do with health and much more to do with wanting love. I've keep meaning to blog about it (wanting love as motivation) but I haven't come up with a solution to the issue so it just pings around in my brain occasionally. In any case Charlotte at the Great Fitness Experiment wrote a perfect post about it last week. After all, if the motivation for exercising was more about others than myself and I didn't enjoy the process then trying would be bad. After extensive over thinking I have even worked out all the negative consequences I might face if I trained, most notably having higher expectations for my fitness in the future.

So, should the flawed motivation underpinning my desire to be fit enough to run a race stop me from actually training for one? I've finally reached the conclusion that it shouldn't because regardless of the reasons for it, the desire to improve my fitness is alive and kicking inside my head. So I've chosen a 5K run to participate in at the end of August. It's in my diary, it's on the blog so it's too late for thinking. Now I have a few months to train for something that is still a challenge, but not such a far cry from anything I have ever done before that it seems like climbing Mt Everest. I'll finally be taking little steps and not biting of more than I can chew.

Which brings me back to dessert. Little steps right?

The cake is calling to me

Last week it was a rich, fudgy chocolate cake. This week, it's a Polish layer cake that stands at over 10cm tall a slice. The top is covered in chocolate icing and the next layer down is chocolate poppy seed sponge. After that I have no idea, because I was too busy eating my slice on Sunday to listen to the rest. It was delicious, although not as good as last weeks cake. The sad thing is, that I will probably never eat a slice of this cake again. My sister only cooks a recipe once...ever...and although a hefty piece lies invitingly on a plate in the fridge and calls to me, I won't eat it. I'm practising willpower and it hurts a lot. Mainly because I'm not very good at it.

Each week after dinner with my family we bring home some dessert, which usually last a day or two. But then by the second or third night, we've had a taste for sweets after dinner so the ice cream comes out of the freezer or chocolate or maybe some biscuits. Eventually I discover that I am actually eating a lot of sweets even as snacks on the weekend when I'm hungry and we are working on the house or landscaping. So I decided last week to stop having sweets during the week. I've tried every method that I've ever heard recommended to reduce sugar intake, but it simply hasn't worked. So now I am down to willpower, which isn't supposed to be very effective. But last week I got over my plateau by resisting chocolate cake so each time I am about to walk over to get a sugar fix I remind myself about that. I'm not sure how long I can keep my willpower muscle flexed, although it might just hold out until my husband finishes all the sweets in the house!

I'm curious, what are your secrets to controlling your sweet urges? Is willpower really hopeless or is it a show of strength? Isn't willpower supposed to be a good thing?

Thank you

I don't think I have written very much about my downs over the last few months, mostly the ups. That isn't to say that there hasn't been plenty of bumps and doubts and feelings of failure, but mostly I wanted to focus on the positive on stuff that could be useful to others. And partly because I've been frustrated recently with this blog the focus of my animosity.

I haven't exactly been measuring my progress by kilo's lost but by how I felt about myself and exercise and food. Looking back the changes have been phenomenal. One year ago I certainly wouldn't have imagined that I would love going for a walk each day so much so that if I had a tail it would be wagging furiously each morning in anticipation. But despite the really good changes, I haven't been able to move past the desire to lose weight. And unfortunately that just stopped happening aka the plateau.

Trying to write in this blog reminded me of that every day and I felt like I was failing and it annoyed me a lot. I didn't want to be here, because I didn't want to think about how nothing was happening. But because of you dear readers I didn't want to give up on this blog, which would have meant giving up on myself too. It would have meant that I probably would have returned to my old habits because I could justify that this was just the way my body was and no amount of exercise or diet could improve it. I've finally pushed past the plateau although it did involve sacrificing my share of the most divine chocolate cake, but now I think it was worth it. I'm so glad I didn't give up and I wanted to thank you all for reading. Knowing you were out there has made a big difference and I really appreciate all your nice comments. I hope I can return the favour. Have a wonderful weekend :-)

Almost ripe for picking

Every time I peer outside I see these little suckers that, when bathed in morning dew and the first rays of morning remind me that cold winter nights are coming . When we first moved into the house we planted the front yard out with a lemon, mandarin, orange, lime and grapefruit tree in the hopes of being self sufficient one day. Our little trees started out with a hard life, being planted at the start of the drought, where the grass and plants around them turned to brown and crisp. We rarely watered them after planting figuring they would have to learn to survive on their own. This wasn't the first drought and surely wouldn't be the last.


With the rain in spring last year, our mandarin flowered for the first time. Soon after tiny fruit appeared all over the little tree that in three years had grown barely one metre. The mandarins teased us over the summer, happily drinking in the hot summer days unchanged. Finally with the cooler days they started growing and then stopped.


Suddenly in the last few weeks the flush of orange has tinged their skin. It's like watching a sunrise in slow motion. I'm dreaming of our first freshly picked, juicy mandarins from our little tree, but they are keeping my waiting. For the time being, whenever I see them I am filled with the desire for a healthy, juicy life that's full of flavour just like them.

Juice and a dance of joy

A colleague was once walking around the office, looking for a suitable distraction to pass the time away until 5pm. He had just finished one conversation and happened past my desk, books in hand. Being bored myself I was delighted with striking up a discussion and those books seemed like an easy topic. One had lots of juicing recipes and the other was "Slim 4 Life" by Jason Vale. 'Wow, what a promise,' I thought, 'gotta borrow me that book.' So borrow I did and read and read and read until there were no more words left by the following day. I was thrilled and in awe because I finally had the answer. All I needed to do was drink freshly squeezed juice for breakfast each morning and eat nothing but fruit and veggies until lunch. And better yet, there was absolutely no way I wouldn't lose weight!

The very next we began our new juicing regime after sneaking to my mom's place and taking her juicer. We bought huge bags of cheap apples and oranges and drank to our hearts content. Life couldn't have looked peachier, except that by the time I got to work I was starving. When 10am came around I'd already drank 5 glasses of water to try to fill my belly along with numerous cups of tea. Unless of course tea wasn't allowed. Thankfully, I don't remember any more. By 11am I wasn't able to think about anything except eating and lunch wasn't happening for another hour.

Convinced that this 'diet' was infallible (I was after all going to lose weight, right?) this continued for the whole week. The big positive was that once I got through the morning I could eat anything I wanted and eat I did! It was also either in the book or I just deluded myself that once my body got used to just juice in the morning it would stop screaming at me.

I must have made it up, because after a month of awful mornings, we gave up and went back to coffee and muesli for breakfast. Needless to say, I didn't lose any weight but probably gained some as my lunches got bigger to compensate for the hunger filled mornings. For a long time after that we didn't juice.

Recently on one not so special morning I decided I felt like some fresh juice. So after buying some fresh fruit and veggies from the markets we juiced after many years. It was as delicious as always but I couldn't help that old feeling of virtuousness. The book had promised that my cells would be dancing with delight at these morning concoctions and from the first sip I could feel it. The nutrients rapidly being absorbed and distributed to the far reaches of my body where the cells started shaking their hips and doing the salsa. It actually feels really odd but each time I drink juice I can't shake the feeling.

Any food or drinks that you feel very virtuous for eating? Does healthy food make your cells dance with joy?

The impact of Communism on my cooking

I feel like an outsider. At some point when the western world got the memo that we were all way too busy to cook, I must have been in France. I didn't get the memo and sometimes when my mind is particularly not busy it muses over the fact that their must be something wrong with my life. I mustn't be doing enough because the truth is, I do have time to cook. And what's more, I don't love it - the obvious conclusion most people verbalise - it's because I enjoy the flip side of cooking, the eating part. And I always get stumped by that statement 'I don't have time to cook' because in my mind, if you don't cook what do you eat?

I've always been puzzled by this, as well as the Slow Food Movement, because who needs to join a movement when we already practise what they preach? Right? Well it turns out that I have made two false assumptions, one of which I only found out recently. The first is that pre-prepared food like frozen meals are pretty normal in most households and cooking is in the 'don't have time' basket. Well, I've known that one for a long time, since meeting my husband and finding out that his sister can live exclusively on steamed frozen vegetables and fish fingers.

But the second assumption was busted just a few weeks back when I read on a blog (and I apologize that I can't remember which one) that convenience and processed food started being introduced in the 50's. I had mistakenly thought it was a recent phenomenon which was why I was puzzled by how frequently my peers admitted to not knowing how to cook and were amazed that I knew how to cook 'from scratch' a term that I found really peculiarly when I first heard it (At the time I actually hadn't know that there was any other option). Apparently their parents hadn't passed on those skills because they weren't doing it themselves. Domestic culinary life had changed much earlier than I had thought which was why it turned out my upbringing was so different to most of my friends.

My parents grew up behind the Iron Curtain under communism in the former USSR. While I don't' know much about what it was like, I always remember my grandmother's stories of people queuing up in the street for hours when certain products hit the shelves of a particular store. Just before my birth, times were especially tough with families receiving ration cards. My parents would trade their cigarette cards with friends for additional food cards to better feed their kids. Obviously with scarcity in food, little variety and being cut off from the west, processed food was something that was never part of my parent's upbringing. By the time we moved to the West shortly before the Iron Curtain fell, cooking in my family was the way a person fed themselves.

Growing up, processed or pre-prepared food never entered our household and dinner times were always sacred. I remember once on a shopping trip suggesting a jar of pasta sauce instead of making our own that week, but my mom turned it down because she didn't like the taste. It would seem that if you were accustomed from childhood to home cooking the stuff in a jar just couldn't compare taste wise. When I was young I was enamoured with the convenience factor and always looked at the pasta sauce jars wistfully as we passed them by on our weekly shopping trip. I cooked for the family one evening a week (and it was usually pasta) but my family simply would not accept a compromise in taste over my convenience. Obviously years and years of this have rubbed off on me too, because now when I do the bulk of the cooking, I choose to shun the jars and even occasionally go to the lengths of making my own pasta. So these days apart from all the other good reasons like avoiding preservatives, that is why I cook. I do it, because as far as I am concerned, no matter how busy life is cooking is a daily part of living, like taking a shower or sleeping.

Because food is something I am passionate about I often wonder what my generations kids are going to be like in the kitchen. Is cooking something that will one day be left exclusively to others or will programs like the Slow Food Movement resurrect the forgotten art? Is it possible that the economic woes will drive people back to the kitchen simply for financial reasons?

What's your attitude to cooking? Has your upbringing affected your time spent in the kitchen? Do you wish you had more time to prepare your own food? Or are you perfectly happy to leave it to others?

'Because I look good in leather'

Yes, yes I do. Or at least I will (have to). I got a role, I got a role and my theatrical debut is of a jilted bride turned man hating crusader who coincidentally gets dressed up in bondage gear! What an ideal role for me, except of course now comes the tough decision of choosing an appropriate outfit from my wardrobe. Just kidding!

Of course the first thought that came into my head when they asked if I will be comfortable in such a costume on stage was 'Hello Motivation'. Naturally it is motivation to kick my soon to be leather clad ass (in front of an audience of thousands...well maybe about 100) into gear and umm actually do that interval training, as well as weights and say no to cookie number 2. Oops, I hadn't mentioned I was a slack ass had I?

Apart from being pretty shallow (because we all know my fabulous acting talents are what will really carry me through) I have no doubt that leather pants and an audience seated at butt height is a fair reason for wanting to shape up, but it turns out that 'motivation' is flawed. The problem is that when using an event as motivation the timeline is too finite. It goes against slowly changing one's lifestyle to following a regime for a set period of time. At best once the goal is accomplished the exercise gets ramped down and multiple cookies re-enter the diet or the goal is not achievable in which case all too familiar feelings of failure and frumpiness loom on the emotional spectrum. So what to do then?

a) Set a goal and work hard for the next 3 months;
b) accept how I look in leather now and just keep doing what I am doing (2 cookies accepted);
c) or work harder without a time frame because I have just confessed to being slack anyway as well as eating at least 2 cookies each day?

What are you working towards? Have you got a clear time frame or goal in mind? Has motivation worked for you in the past?

Be your own cheer squad

Previous foolishness at the summit of Crown Range, NZ

There are lots of things that I love about exercising outdoors - hearing birds in the trees, breathing the fresh air, enjoying the warmth of the sun on a cool morning - but most useful on the quest for fitness has got to be a lack of choice. You see on a treadmill, when my leg muscles are aching from the incline, I just decrease the slope. When the resistance on the bike is too high, no worries I can go back to easy and of course if there are too many stairs I get off the stair machine. Actually I have never been on the stair machine because it looks like torture. In any case, in the great outdoors you simply don't get that choice, there is only the art of avoiding. Except the art of avoidance ultimately fails when you foolishly opt for a 'challenge' without properly considering your capabilities. But we all do that right?

Over the weekend, I shunned the group and decided to ride into Tenterfield from the cabins we were staying at. It was an awesome ride, challenging and hilly but without much traffic so I got to enjoy at a human pace the gorgeous countryside and all that little critters that inhabit it. Probably too closely in fact. As I rode up one hill, two dogs came running out of a property and ran around me just in front on my slow moving tyres constantly barking. One even grabbed my sandal and tore the corner off, although I am thankful the viscous beast didn't latch onto my leg instead. Otherwise, delightedly peddling along, I thought to myself how much I would enjoy doing more cycle touring (with more training unlike NZ) because the slower pace allowed me to take note of all the little details. I was basking in smug glory over my cycling prowess upon reaching town, while I drank coffee and nibbled on dried fruit with my sister's in-laws. After turning down lunch with them (and a lift home) I set my sights on a 25km scenic route that promised lookouts and 14km of dirt riding. Heaven.

Enthusiastically I demolished the first few hills, whilst watching big grey kangaroos deftly dodging cars and thinking how wonderful it was to be cycling and not have to worry about a potential collision with our national emblem. Then I started to get hungry and eventually facing yet another hill I figured I would eat my sandwich that I had so wisely packed. But alas, the sandwich wasn't there! It was gone. I thought of the savage dogs, imagining that they must have plucked my precious lunch from my backpack, or maybe it was a hungry passer-by in the cafe. Or maybe I had just forgotten to pack it. Me? Forget to pack my lunch, impossible! About 16km from home, with an empty stomach, I set my sights for home.

The road back into town wasn't too difficult, as most of the scenic route had been uphill. It was the road home that was more uphill than down. Despite my hungry state I decided not to buy lunch in town, thinking of my poor sandwich left behind somewhere or devoured by bloodthirsty dogs. I peddled on and at first it was ll good, but soon I felt my energy stores depleting, rapidly. I don't know why it happens, but I seem to quickly lose energy when I haven't eaten as opposed to other's who can keep going with or without food (so much for those fat stores, damn it, burn them body before complaining of hunger!). So, the hills grew higher, the down hills shorter and the road surface bumpier while my tires became knobbier. I began wondering if I would make it as the journey home to my sandwich was taking an awful lot longer than the same trip in the other direction.

And that is where the wonderful (or not so great at the time) part of exercising outdoors comes in. I got myself into doing the ultimate work out because I didn't have a choice, the road to the sandwich didn't care about my hunger or fatiguing muscles. But even more importantly, the muscle between my ears got a great workout in positive self talk. Apparently my brain had an epiphany that looking at the hill and moaning "I can''t do it, it's too steep" was not particularly helpful. Instead (and this might have been an attempt at reverse psychology) it said "you can do it"! I slowly rode up all the enormous hills and I could almost see the legions of cheering fans that my mind had dreamed up for me standing on the side of the road shouting 'you're almost there'. And it's funny, because adopting this positive attitude actually made me enjoy the ride where I otherwise would have hated it and vowed never to ride somewhere without mobile phone coverage. In the end, it turned out that the sandwich had indeed been left behind on the kitchen bench and was eaten immediately upon return. That was the last time I felt any sort of hunger for 3 days!

So have you turned an uncomfortable situation into an enjoyable one through positive thinking? Do you regularly push yourself along when challenged by being your own cheer squad? Or do you think the positive self talk is a total load of crap?

Someone please pass me a celery stick

I hope you all had a lovely long weekend, celebrating or not celebrating Easter. We (my stomach and I) had a great time away in lovely Tenterfield with its autumn colours, rolling countryside and stunning National Parks. For the second year in a row my family spent the four days down there in a couple of little cabins tucked away next to a creek, enjoying camp fires, singing, bush poetry and our usual Polish Easter traditions. Specifically, that would be food and lots of it. For my family, both Christmas and Easter mean feasting. Not because of Lent or feasting on Good Friday and Easter Saturday, but because these are the only two times of the year that we make traditional Polish food. At some point many years ago, we began experimenting with the food of our new homeland - the food of others. We started cooking Italian pastas, Thai curries, Portuguese fish and any mix of food from around the world that is so readily available in Australia. Slowly but surely, Polish food faded off the menu of everyday cooking and now appears only twice a year when we gather to feast. By the end of breakfast, everyone usually holds their bellies, muttering that they really need a nap now, because eating has been so exhausting. Instead my sister pokes and prods us all and we go for a shortish walk to 'gently exercise our stomach muscles'.

This year was no different, but it turns out that I am different or more specifically my stomach. Before the trip I enquired as to who would be bringing he snacks, fruit and veggies. After much mockery at my expense, my family couldn't fathom why I would want to bring celery sticks, reassuring me that there would be plenty of food. Reflecting on their jokes about my eating habits, I thought that perhaps I was over reacting and I could in fact just stick with what the group was eating.

Unfortunately it turns out I can't and I'm not sure if that's a reflection on my strangeness or theirs. My eyes still water thinking about a 'salad' that was made primarily from potatoes or the half eaten brown avocado handed to me when I enquired as to the availability of more fresh produce. Argh, what have I become!?! Furthermore, feasting feels ghastly. Who would ever have thought that I would one day actually want to feel hungry? It is really fascinating how the body adjusts to eating patterns. At one stage in my life I thought my body loved fat and sugar and that was how things were going to be. Now my two day headache proves that sugar and I are not friends. I used to be able to happily overeat and sure I didn't feel great for a little while, but not 3 days! And Sundays feast was nothing compared to last year, when while 'gently exercising my stomach muscles' I felt like I was going to vomit. What puzzles me, is how few little changes I have made and yet the side effects are huge. The body is indeed a fascinating thing and by constantly adapting, apparently I haven't got it figured yet and I need to keep listening. That or perhaps not making the sugar mistake so often. Either way....where did I put those celery sticks....

Maintaining a healthy body

It’s so great to be back! You see, my biggest computer problem apparently wasn’t iTunes. I didn’t actually manage to get that working. In fact, I probably made things worse, by downloading a program that was supposed to help, but instead was a known virus. Thanks computer forums! It turns out, that wasn’t even the biggest issue as my savvy computer brother informed me. Apart from a variety of nasty worms and bugs, I had compressed my entire hard drive, my disk was badly fragmented and the virus buster not up to scratch. Basically it was slow, stuffed and at risk of intrusion by hackers. So after a stint at the doctors, I’m glad to say my computer is back and in good health.

Needless to say, being internet and computer free nearly drove me crazy, after all how can you resolve discussions if you can’t ask google and find out who is right? Yes, I know, it’s not about being ‘right’ but really it is, especially when the person you are debating with is making stuff up. I hate that. Annoyed as I was for this enforced separation between me and google, oops I mean the lap top, I figured it was after all my fault for not maintaining my computer properly. As with anything in life (like a virus buster) you get what you pay for (if it’s free, not much). So if I didn’t maintain my poor computer properly, how was I doing with other things in life? How well was I actually looking after my health? Am I preforming well on the surface, but full of wisdom teeth that should have been removed, I mean bugs underneath that only an expert would know about? I’ve grown more and more concerned about this, because I am terrible with maintenance. I don’t go to the doctor or dentists until I absolutely can not stand whatever is ailing me any more. I’ve spent the last week wondering what I should be doing to maintain my health to avoid needing the doctor in the first place. Thanks to google, here are the answers and as it turns out, today is also World Health Day.

I should point out, that my only qualification for giving out such advice is that I have a body, probably like you do, which would not make me a credible source. So, please don’t consider the following as advice. Any use of the information below is at your own risk. Sources of information may or may not be accurate, please do your own research for your own circumstances.

1. Wear earplugs

2. Get enough sleep

3. Wear good quality polarized sunnies that block UVA and UVB

4. Know your body composition

5. Know your family’s health history

6. Know your cancer risk

7. Know your cholesterol levels. Check every 5 years.

8. Know your resting heart rate

9. Keep your waist below 80cm

10. Eat loads of veggies

11. Eat everything in moderation

12. Spend time with friends and family

13. Laugh, lots

14. Take time out to relax

15. Have lots of sex

16. Avoid taking antibiotics

17. Don’t overeat

18. Avoid processed food

19. Limit alcohol intake and have alcohol free days

20. Brush floss and mouthwash daily

21. Slip, slop, slap

22. Exercise daily

23. Regularly do a self breast exam

24. Avoid watching tv or using the pc just before bed time

25. Relax before going to bed

26. Drink up to 3 cups of coffee a day (Organic, fair trade, shade grown)

27. Keep a personal medical record dairy

28. Keep emergency contact details in your wallet and phone as well as a list of allergies or drug sensitivities, or conditions you have

29. Improve your self esteem

30. Volunteer

31. Stop over analysing

32. Meditate

33. Avoid high heels

34. Wear a bike helmet and wear it properly

35. Stretch after every workout

36. Build up muscle

37. Check your vaccinations are up to date

38. Alway wear a seatbelt and don’t speed either, or talk on the mobile or drink & drive

39. Find out if your definition of healthy food is the same as your bodies

40. During child bearing years, get enough folate

41. Visit the dentist every 6 months

42. Screen for STD’s

43. Practise safe sex
    

44. Get your skin checked annually for melanoma’s

45. Check your moles regularly and notice any changes

46. Get an annual breast and pelvic exam and pap smear

47. Get your eyes tested annually

48. Get an annual mammogram after 40.

49. Every 2-3 years get a physical checking heartbeat, blood pressure, height and weight

50. Screen for diabetes after 45 every 2-3 years

51. Get a thyroid check after 35 every 5 years

52. Have a properly functioning smoke detector

53. Use your brain, regularly.

54. Get a pet or a plant (and don’t kill either of them)

55. Wear properly fitted bras

56. Stop smoking

57. Drink enough water, but not too much

58. Be positive

59. Sit and stand tall

60. Throw out the mascara after a month

61. Find a good trainer who teaches safe exercise

62. Find a good doctor/dentist/physio/shrink who listens

63. Wear properly fitted exercise shoes and replace them regularly

64. Swim between the flags and become a strong swimmer

65. Learn first aid – it might save someone’s life

66. Don’t kill snakes, that’s how most people get bitten

67. Don’t do stupid stuff like swimming under the influence

68. Be a smart traveller, know the dangers

Now over to you. What have I missed or got totally wrong?
*Edit - apart from the font....apparently not all is well :-(