I've always wanted to act. Perhaps it's the attention seeking streak or maybe the desire to use my 'powerful' (read: loud) voice. Either way, I've always wanted to be on stage in costume in front of an audience. I'm not talking Hollywood, but theatre. But I've always put it off. Not because being on stage would be a great leap outside of my comfort zone, but rather that I always promised myself I'd lose some weight first.
Unfortunately, as time went by instead of getting smaller I slowly got bigger and at the only time when I perceived myself as sufficiently skinny (although still with a few kilo's to lose) I was far too busy at uni to take on something like theatre. So the idea of performing drifted around in my head for years, occasionally bumping into all the other dreams that I would fulfil when I was slim enough.
The Buddhists say that you should "abandon any hope of fruition". As long as you are wishing for things to change, they never will so you should relax into and enjoy living the life you want now. It's about not putting off living until a future date when I feel adequate. Because really, it never was about the extra kilo's but about accepting myself the way I am.
I finally decided to take the first step into living in the present. I joined a local theatre group and went to the first meeting last night. I was received warmly and unsurprisingly, it didn't matter how I looked. Instead I was challenged to act - funny thing for a theatre group!
Now I have a new challenge to do all the other things I have been putting off until I could accept my body. The first is obvious; the notion that I won't be happy until I have an ideal body. How common is that, especially in spring!?! What about not wearing certain items of clothing until I look perfect or buying an outfit that is slightly too small, but will be a great fit after a little weight loss. Or choosing not to plan a snorkeling holiday until I have the look of my dreams to match. How much have I been living in the future? I guess I'm about to find out!
How about you? Are you or have you put off something until you have your ideal body? Or have you put things off until you would be fitter or stronger or had mastered a particular skill or talents? Or do you just take the bull by the horns and are living in the now?