So here I am again and I don't mean on the blog. Oh yes, I suppose I am here again, but I mean this place or at least this me. The sense of deja-vu is slapping me over the head each day. 'Here' is where I've always been. Actually, I spent most of my life 'here'. My perspective has just changed a little, although evidently not enough.
Let me explain. No, in my absence I did not undo all the work I've put in during the year. I continued and I progressed. As the hint of spring faded from the air, I took every opportunity to wear my favourite pants. Oh yes, because now I fit into them even sitting down. The last time that happened was almost 5 years ago.
As I approached the marvelous possibility of wearing them again I was totally thrilled with the way I looked. Hey, at the start of the year I would have done anything to be getting down to this size. Yet, as soon as I did, all I could see was the few extra kilo's that are still hanging around. That's exactly the same feeling I had when I returned home 5 years ago. I knew I'd done a great job then of having slimmed down, but all I could see was that I could stand to lose a bit more.
Actually that's how I've felt since I can remember. Except in my teenage years, before I gained any weight I was convinced I was huge. That's where the perspective comes in - in retrospect, I was never huge there were just those couple of extra kilo's that needed to go.
And those couple of extra kilo's are what's haunting me today, just like they have for the last 15 odd years. So I suppose that leaves me with a choice - progress or accept. One thing I know is I don't want to be 'here' any more.